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  • The Innkeeper

    Welcome, I’m glad you are here!

    Fatherhood is a journey.
    Come, have a seat by our fire.
    It’s a grand undertaking. Obstacles, challenges, and risk are inevitable!
    And, reward.
    Yes, treasure is everywhere.
    How about a bowl of something warm and delicious?

    The JourneyMen program is an invitation for fathers to gather and share support in their journeys. This is a place for dads to enter, rest and nourish themselves. This is a place where good men come to reset, connect and gain insight, provisions and a map for the ongoing adventures of everyday life.

    That guy in the corner over there? Yeah, he’s gone through some stuff. Perhaps he can offer some ideas…

    Our grand adventure begins at home.
    Our quest calls us to build solid, sustainable connections with our partners, our kids and ourselves. We are moved to grow these connections and then share stories and take action to change our world. It’s no small feat.
    This is the foundational adventure that JourneyMen face. It’s epic.

    Pass over that backgammon board and stay for awhile.

    The Innkeeper’s Journal is inspired by the everyday work and play of the JourneyMen. It is my intention, as the facilitator of these gatherings, to share some of the insights and actions that emerge from our connected journeys. I am honored to hold powerful stories from fathers who aim to show up as a partner for their families, a leader at work, and a force in their communities.

    As part of the fatherhood journey, every one of the JourneyMen has access to our map, our framework for foundational adventures. JourneyMen engage in D.E.E.P M.E.N.S. Work. Every session follows our D.E.E.P. framework for exploring and sharing stories, strategies and support; men are then able to use these concepts at home and work to engage others. The four foundations of M.E.N.S. work hold up everything we do and support every aspect of our work together. Would you like to learn more about these and other parts of our men’s adventure map? Come along!

    **Moving forward, I will post a series of blogs exploring each section of these frameworks, including important concepts and strategies that are essential parts of the JourneyMen experience!

    We come to the inn for nourishment and rest. We come to the inn when we need tools, direction or information. We find ourselves at the inn when we need some assistance and a slight respite from our everyday adventures. We enter the inn to share our stories and offer a bit of ourselves. This is where we connect, find partners and bolster ourselves for the next leg on our journey.

    There’s something about the spaces where different people meet.
    There’s something about these places that hold and share all the stories.

    Every important adventure seems to begin and end around a table.

    Welcome! C’mon in and grab a seat.

    Warmly,

    Jason S. Frishman
    The Innkeeper


  • Gather Around the Table of Dr. Jason Frishman

    Over the years, I’ve held many roles, titles and responsibilities. You may know me as a psychologist, papa, partner, neighbor, friend or in my new role as a men’s coach for fathers. I am also a chef.

    I worked at several restaurants in my 20’s. After that, my wife and I ran a successful local food business. The amazing food community and farm-to-table living that existed well before it was a ‘movement’ were essential factors that drew my wife and I to Vermont to make our home and family almost two decades ago. 

    It’s my passion to gather, support and nourish people.

    The JourneyMen program is a facilitated group experience where fathers receive the support and skills to show up with inspiration and connection for the ones they love most. As I prepare to begin the next JourneyMen group, I am struck by the parallels that my work with fathers has to another meaningful gathering that I’m hosting. This Fall, I’ll be creating an epic meal for friends and community members as a fundraiser for my kids’ school.

    While planning the menu for our meal, I have been reflecting on how I’m utilizing many of the same skills as for my JourneyMen groups. For both efforts, the goal is to excite, inspire, nourish and serve, as every gathering is an opportunity to build community and in these groups, we are all well fed, but in slightly different ways.  

    The preparation begins long before the event! 

    Our meal is almost a month away, and I’ve already begun to prepare. I have communicated with the guests about their dietary restrictions and preferences. There was special equipment to purchase. Seasonal vegetables needed to be fermented. I’m collecting beautiful bowls and serving dishes, plates and platters. Decorations and music must be chosen. With all of this considered and done before I start cooking, I can be sure to make both a creative meal as well as a rare and captivating experience for the guests.

    The JourneyMen program works the same way. Twenty years of passionately working with boys and men and families uniquely prepared me for serving fathers. Years before conducting my first JourneyMen group, I interviewed fathers about their challenges and treasures; they shared their unique experiences with me so I could craft my curriculum to their needs and wants. I designed activities, strategies and concepts specifically for the fathers I serve.

    The experience presents challenges and requires creativity, flexibility and presence!

    Even with solid preparation, many things happen that require creative problem solving before, during or after the meal. An additional guest, a rare food allergy, a challenging growing season (requiring a change in the menu due to unavailable vegetables,) or a broken kitchen appliance can all drive the experience in different directions. Yet, the priority is the guests’ overall experience. The flow of the entire occasion involves juggling all of the ingredients – people, place and food – so that everyone feels nourished and inspired. 

    The JourneyMen curriculum also prioritizes the experience of the fathers. There are commonalities in our journeys. Yet, each of us is unique; every father has their own story. Inside the JourneyMen experience, everyone’s individual experience is honored and every father’s tale is told. Your journey is our journey and the treasures are shared.

    The experience lives on!

    The gatherings I create tend to leave lasting impressions. They move people to see and experience their everyday lives differently. An epic evening meal is never simply a nutritional experience. Celebrating around a table over an intentional feast is narratively dense and enriching. It’s a powerful story. It changes us. Not only will guests take home an experience to share with their families, but they will also carry with them connections made over time well spent. 

    The JourneyMen program lives on as well. Fathers that take the adventure and make the commitment become part of a larger community. The support, accountability and friendships that are built continue and strengthen, physically and virtually. JourneyMen fathers become powerfully present and connected at home and are empowered to take values-based action at home, at work and in their community. The experience empowers them to return home and create and refine the tools, strategies and concepts needed for future journeys with their families and their communities!

    My passion is the creation of foundational connections and experiences

    Gathering and sharing around the table is a pivotal moment in every Adventure. Whether it’s the upcoming classic fundraising meal for my kids’ school or JourneyMen groups with fathers, the preparation, challenges and changes that occur when we intentionally sit together is powerful. 

    My name is Jason Frishman and after 25 years of sitting with boys and men inside and outside an office, I have the honor and responsibility of guiding dads in their own journeys. I get to build powerful experiences and journeys for these men. I welcome them to sit around our table, share stories and learn strategies for navigating fatherhood.

    If you’d like to learn about the JourneyMen Foundation, go to www.journeymenfoundation.com or drop me a line at jason@nourishedconnections.com.

    Eat well, be present and think deeply with connection. 

    Warmly,

    Jason S. Frishman


  • 3 Questions to Discover True Treasure: Story’s Hidden Half, Part 2

    Treasure is Valuable. It’s Desirable. It Motivates. We are all searching for treasure, in one form or another, right?

    It slowly became adult dark in our neighborhood, and we all heard the call. Dinnertime. We hadn’t found anything though! Yet. We hadn’t found anything, yet. Looking at one another, we climbed out of our hole and brushed off our technical equipment. Everything was silently put away and we carefully closed our work for the day. We finished our notes and with silent smiles promised to continue the quest tomorrow, after school.

    Our dig site was a pile of dirt in Brian’s backyard. The technical equipment consisted of 3 broken beach shovels, a garden trowel and a number of gnarled sticks. Our notes were lines drawn in the dirt marking the places we’d already excavated and small mounds where we hoped for a discovery. The entire archeological adventure had begun with the search for a lost ball and a found dinosaur bone. (It was likely a chicken leg, but it stuck out from the ground in a place that screamed, “Treasure!”) So, we dropped the ball and began to dig.

    We never found more dinosaur bones. We didn’t dig to the other side of the world. We found 82 cents and a few crazy old looking marbles. And that was enough. Treasure! The treasure was in the looking, it was in the ideas and the energy that we brought to our ‘work site’ each day after school.

    Our everyday, ordinary lives are filled with treasure. There is potential inspiration and motivation on our commute, in the shower or at the stove top. There’s power in marking the beginning and ending of each day.

    Yet, treasures are buried. They are difficult to find and even harder to hold onto. We lead harried, hectic, and Very Important lives. We are on the extraordinary quest for greatness. Do more things, make more money, get more things, spend more money. The efficiencies, conveniences and omnipresent entertainment in our culture, coupled with the constant influx and modeling of extraordinary, epic, legendary and mostly unreal images from media portray an unrealistic and harmful picture of our everyday treasures. If it isn’t epic, why do it? If it’s not legendary, is it worth it?

    Absolutely!

    Our everyday, ordinary lives are fulled with Treasure. They are filled with meaning. And these treasured valuables, while hidden, are discoverable. They are identifiable and tangible. And what’s more? Our treasured values also provide direction for our future daily adventures!

    Treasure hunting is exciting, risky and potentially rewarding. It takes intention, energy and time. If you are searching for more meaningful connections in your life, it is effort well spent.

    Clues, maps, hints and helpers are useful along the way. And you will find them once you commit to the hunt for daily, ordinary treasure!

    By reading this, you are likely interested in finding valued treasures in your everyday life. You know that there is more out there than the mundane activities of daily drudgery. Washing dishes, cleaning the toilet, maintaining and sustaining —it is all necessary toil, but meaningful, valuable? Yes, indeed.

    To begin your journey, discovering the meaning and magic in the mundane, I’d urge you to ask yourself three questions.

    WHAT?

    Can you become ever-increasingly present to your everyday life? Do you know what it is that you are doing, right now? How often will you stop and ask yourself, “What am I doing? What is happening? What am I feeling or thinking right now?” In my psychotherapy practice, I consult with individuals who are working on strengthening their mindful attention. I’ve witnessed men, woman and children intentionally increase their interest in everyday interactions. As you develop an awareness of the WHAT?, time has a tendency to slow down, ever so slightly. All you need is a fraction of a moment to see the treasure and then make an important choice.

    SO WHAT?

    Are you curious why you do what you do? I mean truly, are you aware of the reasoning behind cleaning toilets, doing laundry, mowing the lawn, or making beds? Why do you choose one thing over another from your unending list of chores? Yes — they are all tasks that have to be done; they are Activities of Daily Living. That is the easy answer. It isn’t enough. What if we began with an assumption that they are actually choices you make? What if I were to tell you that there is a secret, hidden treasure in the ‘WHY?” of these choices? These choices can become daily expressions of our beliefs, our values, and our hopes and dreams. As you make moments to ask “So What?”, these values and beliefs tend to stand up and make themselves heard. Amidst the harried and hectic family lives where we find ourselves, a steadfast, grounded landmark, projecting truth and offering direction can be a welcome, necessary sight.

    Now What?

    You have values. You have hopes and you have dreams. Life is full of them. Do you take action(s) that support and express what is most dear to you? Can you find your values and your beliefs in the choices that you make EVERY DAY? All of the things, big and little, are opportunities for you to move towards the life that you most prefer. This is not easy, believe me. There are obstacles; there are challenges, problems, and issues. This is the work. How can you hold your values more presently in your everyday life? What can you do, or notice, in order to call each value to become more powerfully present? As you maintain awareness of what’s most important and then ask, “Now What?” you’ll increase capacity to hold onto treasures and connect more deeply with your own life’s journey.

    Three questions. Lots of opportunities for treasure. And it’s the best kind of treasure. The more that you search for and use this treasure, the more you have!

    I hope that you notice and collect your treasures. I hope that you share them and live more intentionally everyday in your extraordinary life!

    These three questions are the first steps on the map to a more connected and nourished life. Welcome to the journey of becoming a more deeply grounded and connected person, parent and partner!


    What treasures and values can you identify in your daily activities? What meaning will you discover in your daily home work? I’d love to hear some of your treasure hunting tales! Currently, I am deep in the dark woods, exploring the meaning and motivation behind clutter, care-taking and consistency.

    If you’d like to learn more about JourneyMen, the upcoming coaching course for Present Papas, and other programs and offerings from Nourished Connections, LLC, please email me at Jason@JourneyMenFoundation.com or join the journey at the JourneyMen Foundation


  • Story’s Hidden Half Hides Real Treasure, part 1

    Epics, Adventures, Journeys and Quests… They are exciting. They are important. They share wisdom and provide a map for life’s directions.

    They are not the entire tale, however. And this may be detrimental to you, your family, and our entire culture.

    Most every adventure story follows a predictable pattern. Our favorite books, blockbuster movies and even our own life’s incidents and accidents reflect the circular and familiar path traveled by heroes from diverse cultures and times all over the world. This narrative arc has been studied extensively. It’s been described as the most central myth and most deeply thematic story shared in humanity.

    You know the story, right?

    Our hero is either called or kicked out of *their* realm, and sent on a quest. They travel, often with assistance to some other space where there is a real or metaphorical mountain, cave or deeply dark, dank space. Our Hero, again with aid from typically unheralded allies, defeats the dragon, tames the terror or banishes the beast. Of course, the Hero is rewarded. They receive some gift, treasure or magic token that can be used to redeem, renew or otherwise re-enter their own space and place. Nothing is ever easy, so the travel home is beset with trials and tribulations. More guidance and goodwill are accepted, although at times, hesitantly. Finally, our Hero returns home, either to be accepted as savior or rejected as unknowable and irretrievably changed by their ordeals.

    That’s about right. Preparation, Journey, & Return. The three phases in the Hero’s Journey. Studied by Joseph Campbell, Carl Jung, George Lucas and so many others, it is a story that dominates our culture’s imagination and fascination. Variations exist in the myth, folklore, religion and history of most, if not all, cultures throughout human history.

    It’s a story that captured my attention very early in life. The Star Wars universe, Asimov’s Foundation novels, Tolkien’s Middle Earth and so many other fantasy & science fiction tales riff on this narrative with never-ending creativity. My love of the Hero’s Journey deepened as I began to tell my own stories; it broadened as I listened and consulted with clients around their life stories. I studied the stories and how they could be used to guide clients towards healing.

    And then something happened.

    I found myself. I came to reside in the place I’d dreamed of living my entire life. I had a wife whom I’d dreamed of meeting. And I had just had a baby boy. Life was certainly imperfect. Life had it’s toil and troubles. Life was wonder full. I remember sitting on our back porch and realizing that this was also an adventure. This was also a journey, filled with magic and an almost unbearable sense of the unknown. There were risks to be taken. Yet, this seemed like a different story than my Hero’s Journey.

    Remember our Hero?

    What about all of the people who stayed home? What about those who raised the vegetables, tended the children, fed the hearth and cleaned out the toilet? What about the ordinary, mundane magic of the world?

    While our Hero was out doing Very Important Things, all of these people continued to exist. They’ve got stories as well. Aren’t they adventurous? Isn’t there magic to behold in biting a tomato picked fresh and warmed by the sun? Our Ordinary Adventurers move through life, encountering their own dark, dangerous places. The dragons aren’t as massive or epic. I call them Imps. They are smaller, yet come in multitudes. They are less deadly, but no less disruptive. Their victories are no less treasured, although the treasure is often seen as less valuable, smaller.

    The power of the Hero’s Journey faltered. There are many critiques of this narrative, too many to talk about in this essay. Needless to say, I’d pulled back the dominant story blanketing so many others. While I remain enamored of the Hero’s journey to there and back again, other narratives emerged. I’ve begun to refer to the Hero’s Journey with a new name: The Extraordinary Adventure. It’s useful and needed, to be sure. But it’s only half the tale. If there is to be ‘extraordinary’, then there must also be ‘ordinary’. The Ordinary Adventure is a narrative that has been oppressed for too long. It is the other half of our story, the foundational elements that too often are minimally referenced as a momentary montage or series of flashbacks. Ordinary Adventures are the essential training ground where we come to understand our values, learn to make meaning of our experiences and connect to our selves and our communities.

    The previously infallible lessons expressed in the Extraordinary Adventure appeared dulled and shallow. Unfinished. Unsupported. I remain steadfast in knowing that they are important; they are also dangerous. We, as a culture, as families and as individuals, are enamored by the extraordinary. We are captivated by the epic and legendary. We aspire to the quest. Yet, we neglect our forms. We refuse the mundane, the boring, the repetitive nature of everyday. When we aren’t the hero, depression, anxiety, angst ensues.

    So, I delved into the ordinary slices of everyday life with renewed vigor, interest and curiosity. New plots, themes and narrative arcs emerged. Patterns played out repeatedly. The Ordinary Adventure has it’s own narrative arc! Once seen, I notice it everywhere. It’s the hidden half of all of our stories.

    And I’m convinced that these Ordinary Adventures hold the highest treasures.

    Individuals, families and communities will benefit from living and sharing Ordinary Adventures, or what I also call Stories of Connection. By building stronger foundations and elevating the status of the ordinary and the mundane in our world, we can stand more solidly facing the extraordinary challenges, obstacles and treasures that life presents.

    That’s the vision of the JourneyMen.

    With JourneyMen, I am excited to bring over two decades of work in offices, institutions, kitchens, farmer’s markets, woodlots and boardrooms to a wild new venue. New offerings include individual and group online coaching programs, leadership cohorts, workshops and trainings, community building, facilitation and education/activism.


    What ordinary, everyday adventure is currently capturing your attention? Where are you challenged to live more deeply connected to your values and relationships? Right now, I am facing the Trap of Time. It’s a harried and hectic adventure of dish-washing, lunch creation, homework helping and hug catching.

    If you’d like to learn more about programs and offerings from the JourneyMen, please email me at Jason@JourneyMenFoundation.com or join the journey at the JourneyMen Foundation


  • What’s your favorite Adventure Story?

    Before we get started, take a moment and think. What adventure story comes to mind? It can be a book, a movie, some tale from real life. I’m being vague here on purpose. Don’t think too hard — what pops up?

    I’ve asked this question for over 25 years. In my psychotherapy practice, in my workshops, in the kitchen — basically anywhere I’ve had the opportunity to query another person. What is Adventure? What is a story? And why are they so important?

    In 1999, I thru-hiked the Appalachian Trail. A thru-hike is a continuous traverse of about 2,181 miles of trail along the eastern mountains of the United States. Actually, I attempted a thru-hike. But, I’ll get to that in a moment.

    I’d just spent a year living in rural New Hampshire working at a residential treatment center. We were in the middle of nowhere, on a beautiful 400 acre setting. The kids that we served lived and went to school onsite. Interactions, activities and experiences were intentionally designed as therapeutic growth opportunities. Daily group therapy, point charts, behavioral contracts and structures were the foundation of our work. It was intense. The kids were beyond challenging. I loved it. The routines we created became a holding environment for everyone, including me. It was a wild and formative time. You could almost hear people growing as human beings. The staff, the kids, everyone worked with grit and played with passion. At the end of that contract year, I chose to take a break. I went out to the woods. As my parents like to share, “We drove Jason 12 hours north into the woods of Maine… and left him there.”

    Preparing for the Appalachian journey was an education. I dried, prepared and packed most of my own food. I organized supply boxes to ship. I poured over maps late into the night. When I got dropped off in Northern Maine, I was free. I had no idea what was ahead. It was a risk, and I was ready.

    At first, it was amazing. New people, new vistas and amazing encounters of all kinds. I’ve always loved the woods and this was it for me. I geeked out on gear. I read books. I ran around naked on top of mountains. I made coffee at sunrise while my breath ran towards the clouds.

    This is what most people expect to hear when I share my Appalachian Journey. And I can come through with tales, large and small — all true. It was an amazing trip. And then. And then, it became something both more and less than amazing. It became ordinary.

    It became ordinary to get up, make coffee, notice the beauty of nature, and then do my miles. If you are going to hike the Appalachian Trail, then you’ve got to hike the Appalachian Trail. You’ve got to do your miles. This means you have to consume calories. You have to take care of blisters, and crotch rot, and infected blisters. You have to replace gear, and nurse a fever in a lean-to in a hurricane. You have to learn the best leaves for wiping. You’ve got to get comfortable with all of the ordinary, mundane moments of living. Just like when I was living in New Hampshire, teaching those kids and myself the importance of a schedule, it made sense to schedule my hiking days and my rest days.

    I came to embrace the beautiful mundane. It was certainly a struggle. I often wondered why non-hikers were interested in hearing about the hike. “It’s just walking,” I’d always reply, “The biggest challenge is finding the six months to walk around in the woods. The second biggest challenge is choosing to walk around in the woods for six months.” I landed comfortably into the rhythm of my hiking days and then got excited for the ‘adventure’ of sporadic town days . In my mind, I struggled. Something felt different. My love of the trail remained, but the intensity waned. I’d lost a lot of weight, I was hungry all of the time, and I needed something more.

    One morning, I awoke in the clouds on top of a mountain in southern Virginia. My closest friend had come to join me for a month and was hiking about 3 days behind me. We were to meet in the next town to hike together for 2 weeks. After a particularly poignant moment on the mountain, above treeline and directing the weather like a god (in my own mind) I found my mind wandering back to rural New Hampshire when we’d cook amazing ‘family’ meals with and for the kids and staff. The bickering and laughing of toil from the kitchen and warm smells of tasty, simple comforting meals wandered into my memories while gazing out into the mountains. I awoke to the most intense sunrise that I’ve ever seen. In my sleeping bag, crying into black coffee, I decided that it was time to come off the trail. I was done. I was about three-quarters of the way. I’d been on the trail for about 18 weeks. The decision was made before my coffee was gone.

    That was a Wednesday. The following Monday, I was working in some of the toughest schools in Boston, MA and living with a stranger in a big house. I was offering psychotherapy services to really tough, amazing kids from truly difficult circumstances. And I’d discovered something that had forever changed me. My career, my personal life had been deeply altered.

    I had fallen in love with the mundane, the ordinary adventures of life.

    This idea rocked my world. I had studied adventure; I lived adventurously. I had a Master’s Degree in Adventure Therapy! I completed my Doctorate by writing a dissertation on using the Adventure metaphor in Narrative Therapy to create life changes! For the first time, I questioned the Hero’s Journey. I questioned the sagas and epics. This was the beginning of an amazingly deep dive into the metaphor of adventure and what I’d begun to call the Adventure-Journey Perspective. There was something there. Not all adventures need to be extraordinary, not all journeys require grandiosity. In fact, ordinary and mundane adventures were likely essential, foundational elements to achieving extraordinary stature. And yet they were maligned, neglected and minimized — most blockbuster movies relegate the mundane (and necessary) elements of the quest to simple three minute montages.

    If we could elevate the status of the mundane and the ordinary, even a little bit, perhaps people could achieve more. Maybe, we could ‘achieve’ less, but with more joy and contentment. Where were the stories of Ordinary Adventure? Where were those tales?

    For about 7 years, I continued to work in Boston schools and community mental health organizations (and a restaurant, but that’s a different story.) I learned as much as could about the processes of therapy, social work and community building. I returned to the treatment center in New Hampshire and worked in all sorts of other settings. This led me to a doctorate in Psychology where I focused on Narrative Therapy and the narrative perspective. As I learned, received training and deepened experiences, there were obstacles. Challenges and bumps along the road distracted and slowed progress. Ordinary life has it’s own conflict and climactic moments, of course. Insurance companies, regulations and bureaucracy in organizations, and limited resources were only some of the road blocks. Those were more easily identifiable. The sneakier ones were those of self-questioning, insecurity, and self-imposed limitations.

    I was driven to learn more about the stories in our lives and how they create our realities. More importantly, I wanted to know how we could author our own stories; I yearned to discover how to return vitality to stories of everyday adventures. This could change people’s lives!

    Twenty years later, I have come to see everything as a form of adventure story. After working at that residential treatment center in New Hampshire, hiking a lot of the Appalachian Trail, and finding myself enmeshed in a major city’s public school system (and numerous adventures since then), important themes have emerged. I now carry, “Curiosity, Compassion, Commitment and Connection,” as guiding values. I see the transformative power that comes from authoring your own story and the power of the Adventure-Journey metaphor. Everyday, ordinary life holds the captivating potential for epic encounters and it hides possibilities within the magical mundane. In order to discover these connections, we must deepen the rhythms of practical routines like sharing meals or maintaining the household or practicing new skills.

    When we explore and understand this complete adventure in our lives, we increase connections to ourselves, our friends and family, our community and to the world around us. We feel nourished to the core.

    That’s the vision of Nourished Connections, LLC.

    With Nourished Connections, I am excited to bring over two decades of work in offices, institutions, kitchens, farmer’s markets, woodlots and boardrooms to a wild new venue. New offerings include individual and group online coaching programs, workshops and trainings, community building, facilitation and education/activism.


    So what was your favorite Adventure Story? These days, mine involves chopping and stacking firewood for my family. Ask me about it sometime, it’s a wonder full tale!

    If you’d like to learn more about programs and offerings from the JourneyMen, please email me at jason@JourneyMenFoundation.com or join the journey at http://www.journeymenfoundation.com


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The sky is not completely dark at night. Were the sky absolutely dark, one would not be able to see the silhouette of an object against the sky.

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